CASUAL COOKERY

Consider the Mustache

A Butter Chicken Recipe

I’ve often been told I look young for my age, which is something I've always found kind of strange as I've been bald for over a quarter of my life now. For the majority of my lockless existence I compensated with a Van Dyke style beard because, much like the top of my head, the sides of my face also refuse to grow hair.

A few months ago I was met with great tragedy. I suffered a terrible loss. I had a shaving mishap. While trying to get everything even I kept trimming one side too short and then the other side and then the other again and eventually just ended up saying "fuck it" and shaving it all off.

Hirsute no more, my clean shaven mug was revealed for all the world to see for the first time in over a decade. I was horrified by what the mirror was showing me. I was also told I looked a lot younger now. As someone who demands the respect granted from advanced age, this simply wouldn't do. Bare faced and confused, I weighed my options and came to the conclusion that there was only one rational solution to my quandry. I had to grow a mustache. Nothing had ever been more clear.

To say the trip from fuzzy upper lip to the lushest dad 'stache this side of the Atlantic was an ORDEAL would be an understatement. I went through trials and tribulations, bouts of doubt, agony, and despair. Did I look ridiculous? Burt Reynolds doesn't look ridiculous. Or does he? Wait, is he even still alive? (Editor's Note: No) My uncle is no longer with us, but he always had a mustache and he was one cool customer. I decided to persevere in honor of his memory.

The main thing I noticed was how much I started being called "sir." It was as frequent as it was astonishing. Before this recent stylistic experiment, being addressed in such a way was practically unheard of. The mustache brought power and respect. It communicated to the world that I was a venerable elder, full of ancient wisdoms and one to be held in high regard. I was still on the fence about it, though.

But then, on a fateful day in late June, I had a rather enlightening encounter with a stranger. I had just finished my grocery shopping and was returning my cart to the front of the store when I noticed some guy just staring at me. I looked at him, looked away, and looked back when I realized he was still eyeballing me. Just gazing in reverence like he was the harmonica player in the band War and I was the frontman.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke. He was like "What's up, man?" and I responded with a "Sup?" as one does. He then said "That's a cool ass mustache."

There would be many compliments to come, but none emboldened me as much as that one. You always remember your first. I walked home, mustachioed head held high, and haven't doubted myself since. Anyway, here's how you make butter chicken.

Butter Chicken

While this Indian take-out favorite may seem daunting at first, it's not actually all that difficult. The hardest part is sourcing some of the ingredients and you can just get those on the internet. For this recipe you'll need boneless chicken breasts, ginger paste, garlic, Kashmiri chili powder, salt, sugar, oil, tomatoes, onions, garlic paste, butter, cream, malt vinegar, and (most importantly) kasoori methi aka fenugreek. It doesn't taste like anything I can compare it to, but just trying a little by itself I understood why every Indian person on Reddit said this dish wouldn't taste authentic without it. Pictured above: some of the things I just mentioned.

You'll probably want rice to go with it, basmati being the traditional choice. I'm not going to tell you how to make rice here. If you don't know how to make rice on your own, you don't really have a whole lot of business looking at recipe websites, do you? That wasn't rhetorical. Answer me.

With that out of the way, we first want to make a marinade. We're gonna cover the chicken with garlic, ginger paste, chili powder, and a bit of salt and let that hang out for at least 20 minutes. For my social media obssessed peeps, that's the same amount of time as 30 average length videos on TikTok. It's also how long my fucking housemate has been blasting the adult contemporary station on his radio so loud that I can hear it from outside.

Next, heat some oil in a pan and saute that chicken. We're going low and slow. It's very easy to dry out chicken breast, so even though it takes longer, cooking over a low heat will yield the best results. There are numerous jokes I could make here involving words like "moist" and "juicy," but I'm going to save both of us the embarassment.

Once the chicken is cooked through (Not pink inside, 165°F (73.9°C). There's a reason no one orders chicken medium rare.) transfer it into a bowl and set aside for now. Then, into the chicken pan, throw in some oil, a nice gob of butter, and your onions. Cook those bad boys until they start to get a nice color to them.

Then we're going to add the tomatoes, cashews, garlic, salt, malt vinegar, sugar, garam masala powder, chili powder, and a splash of water. Let that simmer for 15 to 20 minutes or until the vibes feel right.

Now transfer all that into a food processor, blend until it's as smooth as something like, really smooth, and then pour it through a strainer back into the pan. Add your butter, cream, chicken, and kasoori methi and let that simmer for 5-7 minutes. Garnish with a drizzle of cream and some more kasoori methi.

Along with the rice, I would also recommend some (preferably garlic) naan on the side. Making your own tastes better and isn't really difficult by any means, but it IS rather time consuming. I just went to the grocery store and bought some if you can believe it. Once you have your accoutrements sorted, you're free to plate it all up nice and pretty and serve it to someone you love and/or are legally obligated to keep nourished.

The Recipe

Butter Chicken

• 1/2 lb Boneless Chicken Breast (cut into bite-sized pieces)
• 6 cloves Garlic (minced)
• 2 tbsp Ginger Paste
• 2 tbsp Kashmiri Chili Powder
• 2 tbsp Oil
• 1/2 lb Tomatoes (diced)
• 3/4 C Onions (diced)
• 1/4 C Cashews
• 1 tsp Kasoori Methi (Fenugreek)
• 1/2 tsp Garam Masala
• 4 tbsp Sugar
• 2 tbsp Kashmiri Chili powder
• 5 tbsp Butter
• 3 tbsp Cream
• 2 tbsp Malt Vinegar
• Salt to taste

1. Marinate the chicken with ginger paste, half of the garlic, 1 tbsp chili powder, and a generous amount of salt. Let sit for at least 20 minutes.

2. Heat some oil in the pan and cook the chicken over low heat until cooked through. Transfer to a bowl.

3. Saute onions in 3 tbsp butter until translucent.

4. Add oil, 3 tbsp butter, tomatoes, and cashews.

5. Add a splash of water, the rest of the garlic, malt vinegar, sugar, garam masala powder, 1 tbsp chili powder, and salt to taste. Evenly mix and let simmer for 15-20 minutes.

6. Blend the mixture until smooth and strain back into pan.

7. Add cream, chicken, kasoori methi, and the rest of the butter and let it simmer for 5-7 minutes.

8. Garnish with cream and kasoori methi and serve.