ChatGPT
A Flank Steak with Chimichurri Recipe
Recently, ChatGPT has been setting news outlets and internet forums ablaze. People are losing their collective mind over the possibility of AI taking over their jobs, their art, and every other thing. It seems like writers are one group who are particularly concerned about this whole mess and since I dabble, I wanted to see how real this threat was because I'll be GOD damned if I sink a bunch of time into creating all of this content when a fucking chatbot could do it better.
At first I wanted to have a little fun and see just how interesting I could make this, but it turns out our chatty friend is a total wet blanket.
Like, who called the morality police? I thought this was AMERICA. To be fair, while it wouldn't humor this benign and simple request, it had absolutely no qualms whatsoever providing me with a step-by-step guide to making molotov cocktails. The recipe sounded pretty good, but I don't drink anymore. I did briefly consider making that the recipe, though. Anyway, it quickly became clear that ChatGPT didn't seem like it would be capable of recreating my particular brand of whimsy so I asked it for a fun, food related annecdote instead. This is what I got:
A man went to a restaurant and ordered a steak. When the steak arrived, he noticed that it had a strange pattern of dots on it. He called over the waiter and asked, "What's with the dots on my steak?" The waiter replied, "Oh, those are courtesy of our new meat tenderizing machine. It punches small holes in the steak to make it more tender."
The man was impressed and said, "Wow, that's really cool! I bet it tastes amazing!" He took a bite of the steak and was immediately disappointed. "This doesn't taste any different than a regular steak. I want my money back!"
The waiter apologized and went to speak to the chef. When he came back, he said, "I'm sorry, sir, but the machine is broken. It seems to be stuck on 'comma'." The man was confused, but then he looked at his steak and saw that it was covered in tiny, perfect commas. He couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
From then on, he couldn't stop seeing commas everywhere. He saw them in the clouds, on the leaves of trees, even in the patterns on his carpet. He started to think that maybe the universe was trying to tell him something. Eventually, he realized that he was just being silly and that sometimes a steak is just a steak. But he couldn't help but chuckle whenever he saw a comma, and he always remembered that ridiculous, meaty, and strangely enlightening experience at the restaurant.
I'm not quite sure what to make of all that but this recipe for a ridiculous, meaty, albeit commaless (I don't have a machine) flank steak with chimichurri is sure to impress.
The Steak
Flank steak, aka cow abs, is kind of a tough cut of meat so we're gonna marinate it first. Let's get the ingredients together.
Here we have white wine vinegar, soy sauce, worcestershire sauce, dijon mustard, canola oil, and garlic. We're using canola oil because of the high smokepoint. If you use olive, when it comes time to cook the steak, you'll end up smoking yourself right out of the kitchen. You can make this to your taste, I just kinda eyeballed the amounts and it ended up looking like this:
You're going to want to mix all of that up and dredge the steak in it. Once it's thoroughly covered, transfer that whole mess to a freezer bag and put it in the fridge over night (or at least for a few hours.) I'm reusing this one because I care about the planet.
Ok, now we're ready to cook. It's not necessary to let the meat get to room temperature, but you can let it sit out if that's what you're into. We want to crank that heat up and get the pan as hot as possible to create a nice char on the outside. I like to use a cast iron, but my fucking housemate keeps washing the seasoning off of it and buddy if I've told you once I've told you a thousand times... You want to cook it for 5 to 6 minutes per side and then pull it. If want to cook it longer you can, but if you go past medium you might as well throw it in the trash. It's often repeated that you should rest your steak after cooking, which you can do if you want, but the current school of thought actually advises against it. Slice against the grain and the finished product should look (albeit with a better crust and less rare if you want) something like this:
The Chimichurri
There are many different ways to make this esteemed South American sauce, but they don't all come from a random Argentinan guy on Reddit. First we gather our things. This is kind of a lazy mise en place, but who has the time? Or the ramekins?
Alright, you should have 2 bunches of parsley, a couple two/tree green onions, 1 lemon, 5 cloves of garlic, 2 sprigs of thyme, 2 of oregano, salt, pepper, chili flakes, olive oil, and apple cider vinegar. According to the internet stranger you're supposed to pull the leaves off the stems of the parsley, oregano, and thyme. My guy didn't give exact measurements, but you can eyeball it. I think 2 parts oil to 1 part vinegar is probably a decent ratio.
Next, chop everything up, throw it in the blender for a bit, and you're all set. Mine is just chopped as finely as I could get it with the dull, rusty knife I had at my disposal. I didn't have access to the blender because my fucking housemate hid it somewhere and I'm really starting to wonder how he'd like to get stabbed with this rusty knife. I bet you, like, $2 that bastard isn't up to date on his tetanus shots.
The Finished Product
Okay, we did it. Now people will think you know how to cook. I had mine with "punched" potatoes (apparently another Argentine specialty) as well as an heirloom tomato salad. Bone apetite.
The Recipe
Steak:
- 1 1/2 lb Flank Steak
- 1/2 cup Vegetable Oil
- 1/3 cup Soy Sauce
- 1/4 cup White Wine Vinegar
- 1 1/2 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
- 1 tbsp Dijon Mustard
- 4 cloves minced Garlic
- 1 tsp Black Pepper
1. Whisk everything together and dredge steak.
2. Transfer steak and marinade to a sealable container and refridgerate for at least 2 hours.
3. In an extremely hot pan, cook the steak for 5 to 6 minutes per side.
Chimichurri:
- 2 bunches flat leaf (Italian) Parsley
- 2 or 3 Green Onions
- 3 or 4 cloves Garlic
- 2 sprigs Thyme
- 2 sprigs Oregano
- 1/2 cup Olive Oil
- 1/4 cup Apple Cider Vinegar
- 1 Lemon, juiced
- Salt, to taste
- Pepper, to taste
- Chili Flakes, to taste